How to Vow
I know, I know. I hear you. It’s totally normal to feel awkward as about writing your vows - it’s not every day you write your deepest thoughts into a few hundred words and read them out in front of people. But I am here to help! Here are my top tips to get you started. And don’t forget, we can prep together in the lead up to your big moment.
Legal vs. Personal
First, let’s get clear on what you legally will be repeating after me, vs. the option of also writing and saying your own personal vows.
Legally, you will be repeating something similar to this, after me:
Maddy: I call upon the persons here present
Lover: I call upon the persons here present
Maddy: To witness that I, Fname LName
Lover: To witness that I, Fname LName
Maddy: take thee Fname LName
Lover: take thee Fname LName
Maddy: to be my lawful wedded wife/husband/partner.
Lover: to be my lawful wedded wife/husband/partner.
You will be most likely speaking into my microphone, which I will either hold for you or you hold yourself - depending on your comfort levels.
So, the below tips will be handy should you decide to also add your own, personal vows afterwards.
Hate public speaking?
Totally cool. There is actually no rule that says you have to have personal vows or even write your own. A good workaround is what I call ‘Syncing it’, instead of going solo. Why don’t you write them together, and repeat the same thing? Or, write a portion of them yourselves, and then finish off saying the same line or two? This takes the pressure off big time and can be a nice activity for you two to do together in the lead up to your big day.
Length
I’m calling it. Anything over 350 words is probably too much (trust me). Anything over this can fit into your speech at the after-party. It doesn’t matter how different your vows are to each other, but at least agree to make them a similar length. This prevents one person from pouring their heart out to be reciprocated with a “Love y’babe”.
Tone
Don’t worry about sounding like what you have watched in the movies. Sound like you. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you’ve gone off track.
Structure
A really simple way to break down your vows is to break them out into the below mindsets:
PAST: Life before them. This could become an opportunity to touch on stand out moments of how you eventually met, and how it made you feel.
PRESENT: Life with them now, and how extra brilliant it has been. This could be an opportunity to touch on what you love about them and your life together.
FUTURE: Life with them in the future. Cue, literal promises going forward.
Content
Got some time under your belt? Start a ‘Love List’ on your phone. When something happens between you two that sets your heart on fire, jot it down. This could be anything considered mundane that ironically has become super funny to you two, or those bigger gestures.
Don’t forget, you can also love to hate things too. What are your little frustrations with them, and can you turn them into things you promise to be patient with them on in the future?
Please, I beg you - don’t google vow examples. They are corny AF. A simple “I love you” will be 1000x better.
Rhythm
Don’t stress about having a rhythm, or pattern. Write and speak as you normally would (see the note above about tone). You will have nervous and excited energy on board - so no need to randomly become a poet just so your lines can match.
Practice
Notice how I didn’t write ‘practice makes perfect?’. Take the pressure off yourself. I promise you the best vows I have seen have stumbles, raw emotion, interruption, and laughter all intertwined. But, if you think it will help you ease the nerves - these are the things I often do before presenting your ceremony to make sure I have my head wrapped around your script:
Print it out, highlight the sore spots, speak it, repeat it. Heck, even whack them palm cards - pretend you’re in year 4 all over again.
Tell someone who cares (your dog). You’d be surprised how much it helps to rehearse to a physical body, or object - that can’t reply or critique.
Audio-based learner? Record a voice note on your phone and play it back to yourself. Great whilst you are driving and semi-distracted.
Just to name a few!
Good luck, lovers! Trust your gut. In the end, this is your day. Vow it your way.
